There’s no way to put this delicately: periods suck. But who’s to say that that you’re relegated to remaining locked up in your bedroom for one week each month? Think about it: your period is the absolute best excuse to do whatever the f*ck you want. You’re hungry? Indulge yourself! Angry? Smash things! Feeling icky? Pamper yourself! We’ve got the lowdown on the best places to hit up when you’re PMSing hardcore (or when you’re pretending to have your period to get out of having sex or other responsibilities).
Fried food solves everything (except, you know, obesity and heart conditions). This has never been scientifically proven, but it’s also never been scientifically proven that coconut oil solves everything either and that crap is all the rage. Satiate those comfort food cravings at Queens Comfort. Nestled in up and coming Astoria, Queens Comfort offers insanely delicious dishes that will expand your waistline but not your debilitating debt. Check out their Cap’n Crunch crusted chicken tenders and their decadent cornflake chicken and waffles!
Queens Comfort, 40-09 30th Ave
How annoying is it that every article about surviving your period says that exercise makes your period so much better? Don’t you just wanna punch the writer in the face when they say that because the very last thing you wanna do on your period is exert energy while wearing yoga pants that highlight how bloated you are. Direct your punches at a punching bag at Shadowbox instead. They describe their workout as “intense shadowboxing and guided heavy bag work, paired with high-energy music, elements of interval training and body weight exercises.” With a class like this, you’ll get all the negative energy out of your system and by the time your period bloat subsides, you’ll get a toned bod.
Shadowbox, various locations
Meditation has been proven to have numerous benefits, including ones that make PMS more tolerable. It’s soothing for the mind and body and loosens the vice grip you have on so many stresses from your day. At Sundays, you’re given a guided meditation along with a manicure or pedicure. What better time to get pampered?
Sundays, 51 East 25th Street
Between the bloat and the self-loathing that comes with surfing the crimson wave, you feel really…icky. Pay a visit to HigherDOSE to detoxify your body in one of their infared saunas. It improves your period acne, makes your cramps go away, and makes you feel more relaxed. Did we mention sitting in one of these saunas also burns calories? Yes, you can burn off almost 600 calories in one session. That compensates for a good chunk of the calories you consumed during a comfort food binge, right?
HigherDOSE, 21 East 1st Street
Being on your period makes you turn into the Incredible Hulk, right? Sometimes flowing your way through a yoga sequence isn’t enough to cure a rage blackout. Check out The Wrecking Club, where it’s totally encouraged to smash things! You’re given a pair of safety goggles, a weapon of choice, and a protective suit that shields your #OOTD from any damage. For 20 minutes, you’re free to go buckwild and smash the sh*t out of televisions, fine china, and tables.
The Wrecking Club, 344 West 38th Street
We talked about how infrared saunas are super good for you, especially when you’re on your period. Try yoga in a room with an infrared heating system, like at Y7! Yoga offers a ton of benefits for you when you’re on your period because it alleviates anxiety and relieves cramps. It’s also one of the only workouts where you can take a beat and rest in child’s pose if you’re not feeling it. Y7’s classes are all in the dark so no one will notice when you opt out of shoulder stand. They offer more modern yoga classes with upbeat hip hop music to keep you motivated.
Y7, various locations
Cookie dough is a must-have weapon in your arsenal during that time of the month. It’s not the fact that there’s raw egg that’s holding you back from devouring an entire roll of Toll House, it’s that it’s generally frowned upon by society to indulge in such a treat. Enter DŌ, an all cookie dough restaurant (without the FDA red tape!). They offer a wide array of flavors, from traditional ones chocolate chip or sugar cookie to unique ones like chocolate dream or salty and sweet.
DŌ, 550 Laguardia Place
Does the quote “When the river runs red, sometimes you gotta take the dirt path home” mean anything to you? So you’re into it? So we take it you’re into butt stuff. So you would be cool with getting a nutritional shot in your Kardashadonk? If you’re not into that, can we interest you in a nutritional IV instead? Their B12 IVs and booster shots increase your energy levels and alleviate your crabby mood. There’s also SlimBoost shots, which speed up your metabolism and regulate your appetite when you feel tempted to binge eat while PMSing.
REVIV, 1140 Broadway
Chocolate makes your period less insufferable, that’s a scientifically proven fact. Make the pilgrimage to a chocoholic’s mecca: Max Brenner. Their chocolate bar menu offers decadent options and features specialties such as chocolate pizza and chocolate cocktails (also known as “choctails”). Their regular menu has plenty of options for carb lovers as well, with an array of waffle sandwiches and burgers.
Max Brenner, 841 Broadway
When you want to chill the F out, but don’t have time to run around the city, Chillhouse is your one-stop destination to cure your PMS woes. With “Wind Me Down” lattes and a full-blown spa (think non-toxic manis and super-indulgent massages), Chillhouse will give you the excuse to leave the comfy yoga pants behind so you can pamper those period pains away.
Chillhouse, 149 Essex Street
Written by Guest Of a Guest
Featured Image by cookiedonyc.com