Swipe Me, Swipe Me NOT: Tinder Disasters That Will Make You Cringe

The dating game has come a LONG way, to say the least, which brings us to Tinder and the questions we have: Am I one swipe away from the Love of my millennial-labeled life? Is that wishful thinking? Am I just doing this because I’m bored? Is this person even real? What the hell is a “Super-Like”? Yes, you’re not the only one who has these questions. The sure fire way to get the ‘ever so pressing’ answers is to just get dressed, go on a date, and play it out. Much like anything in life, there are pros and cons, but today, we want to describe how Tinder dates aren’t supposed to go. Meet some friends of TTS who tell their Tinder nightmare stories (no flashlight included).

Here’s what they had to say:

(Photo Cred: Paige Hogan)

“[I] matched with Chance The Rapper’s advisor; super good-looking, tall, sort-of-reserved type. He invites me to a concert, figured we would spend a bit of time together, [but] dumps me in the front row to watch the concert. I leave at [the] end of night [and] he keeps texting me to meet up with him at a hotel. I ignore and ignore until finally, I caved in. Drive 30+ mins to meet up with him — at this point it’s 2 am. We spend the next hour looking for pancakes for Chance and then spending time in the lobby with him asking me the most random questions. It ends with him taking a phone call and then telling me “Well, I gotta get Chance’s pancakes. Bye.”  I awkwardly had to get my car from the valet while he ignored me and let me drive away without saying a word.” ~ Anonymous

“Went on a date with a guy who pulled out all the stops: dinner, [multiple] taxis. [He] wanted to come with me to my friend’s party. He was the center of attention, full of life; everyone loved him. He pulled me aside and thanked me for introducing him to all my friends and how he knew that meant a lot to me… etc. We slept together. I [gave] him the OK to leave, [but] he INSISTED on staying. Ends up sneaking out of my apartment at 3 am, left his underwear behind. Caught him LITERALLY running out the door and when I tried to stop him and asked what was going on, he just kept running! Blocked my number.” ~ Anonymous

“I brought a friend [to my date] because we’d just come from an event together and I was new to Tinder. We met at a coffee shop on the LES. She did not look like her picture. The friend I’d arrived with left, and I wanted to leave with her because there was less chemistry between [the girl and I] than Dan and Blair on Gossip Girl. She had a necklace that said “internet” on it in a heart. She told me I was the first person she’d met off of Tinder. A friend who I hadn’t seen in months (and many people thought I dated, even though we never did because I dragged him to Ingrid Michaelson concerts and we were unbeatable at beer pong) miraculously walked by our table and I used him as an excuse to exit. I saw her on Tinder again about a month ago. She’s edgier now. Swiped right out of curiosity but did not match.” ~ Anya Schulman

“One guy who looked mighty hot in his pics — handsome, built, active, and French! — ended up being coked-up on the date, dressed in an atrocious oversized suit, and asked me to marry him for citizenship. Yeah, okay. Byeeeee.” ~ Gabriella Desposito

“We met on the West Side of Central Park [and] he was a lot smaller than I was expecting from his pictures. As we walked along the park immersed in small talk, he made a point to say how hungry he was, although it was only 3 p.m. We ended up in an odd cafe on a side street and he ordered pasta, I got a coffee and wished it was over. As we walked, and he digested, he started telling me about how his day job really isn’t his passion and what he really loves is his night gig. Turns out he was a magician. Never saw him again.” ~Nicole Armeno

(Photo Cred: Paige Hogan)

“I went on three dates with the same guy off of Tinder. Each date got significantly worse, but the 3rd date was the last straw. He offered to take me out for my birthday via mini golf and food. I love burgers so he offered to take me to Five Guys (which is a step up from McDonald’s) and said he would pay. When we got to the mini golf course he paid for himself only (and it was $5 Friday); I didn’t have cash and the mini golf place didn’t take cards so he rolled his eyes, paid for me, and said that the $5 he spent on mini gold would cut into my meal and I would have to pay for my own fries and drink. We went to Five Guys after mini golfing and at that point, I was over it and decided to just pay for my own meal. When I got to the register the server asked me if I wanted a small or large fry and before I could answer he whispered in my ear that I should get large so we can share it. I told the server small and when I paid for my food he waited until I got the receipt to tell me that he was going to pay for my drink and fries. After that, I got my food and caught a cab home.” ~ Caela Collins

Photo cred: Sarah Smith

“One NYC Summer day, I was feening for some happy hour frozen drinks at Piano’s. Texted the group chat and [all my friends] seemed unsure. Being the person [who] always [has] a plan A,B,C AND D, I hit up the five tenderonis I had on rotation at the time, expecting only one to bite. To my surprise, they all said yes. Called in reinforcements (aka the aforementioned group chat) and my lovely gal pals would take turns entertaining four of out of the five guys while I focused on one. I think the dudes were into my ballsy move because they asked me out on one-on-one dates afterward.” ~Amanda Suarez

Written by Caela Collins

Feature image via Paige Hogan

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